When was the last time you stopped to ask yourself why somedays you are telling yourself stories that you’re not good enough or a geek or a thought leader?  Do you wait until it all completely hits the fan before you begin to wonder?

There isn’t really a reason to think much usually. We drive pretty much the same routes, prepare and eat the same foods, and a host of other activities throughout the day at home and at our small businesses. Even our brains are designed to favor neural pathways that already exist and have been used before.

My brain made me do it? Here’s a quick neuroscience review. Our decision-making process uses more than the front parts of our brains. It also uses our emotional center and our memories. When we’ve done something the same way many times, we’ve learned that behavior. Our brains are constantly processing an amazing amount of data so we develop habits to keep things efficient and we pay attention to what’s in front of us. For example, I have been typing up to this point without thinking about how to type since I do it so often. I’ve spent my time concentrating on figuring out the theme and message of this post. Typing is a habit.

Habits are our auto-pilots. They simplify our actions and, like I said, our brains favor neural pathways that exist. The stories we tell ourselves are habits too. For example, one common fear that people express is that they will be discovered as frauds. This story usually includes that they will be discovered as incompetent technicians and foolish business owners. If you tell yourself a story like this, you are strengthening a pathway in your brain so you can develop the habit of believing you are a fraud.

One of my clients has a recurrent story that she will lose all of her clients if she makes a mistake. This is a habitual story (not based on any facts, by the way) that runs her decision-making and actions when she feels stressed. This is a great example of what Breanne Potter wrote about in The Danger of Mental Auto-Pilot. High emotions cloud our ability to gut-check and fact-check ourselves. Since we’re prone to going with our habits, it makes sense that we activate the auto-pilot of our stories.

It isn’t always a negative. Think about something in your small business that went really well. You might have a story that you rock the world or that you are making your dreams a reality. You may feel a high emotion such as joy, elation, or pride. We can automatically motivate ourselves and follow through on tasks.

It isn’t that habits are good or bad. It’s not even about the story. The key here is to check your stories every now and then.  It’s about the habit of telling yourself the story over and over as if it is completely, 100% true all of the time. You aren’t a fraud anymore than you rock the world. It’s all hyperbole. We make up stories in which we are archetypes and these help our story telling. The truth is really more on a spectrum so give your stories a check. Write them out or tell them to a trusted person so you can hear the story with new ears. You might want to keep them or simply change parts of the story.

Here’s an example of what that process could look like-Let’s say that you have been asked to speak to a group of small business owners like yourself on your area of expertise. You tell yourself that it’s going to go badly because they will all find out you know nothing and have been faking it all along. They will stand up and point at you while yelling, “Fraud, fraud.” Now, perhaps as you write all of this out, you discover that you are really nervous about speaking in front of people and it’s not about knowing your area expertise. You can stop the auto-pilot of your story and say, “Hold on here! I’m nervous about speaking. I know my stuff.” Now you can decide how to handle your anxiety about public speaking or go with your habitual story.

When do you have the auto-pilot storyteller on?

How would your story change if you were to tell it aloud to another person?

What stories do you want to keep telling yourself?