Why are we so surprised when we are treated with kindness? Ever since last Friday’s #kaizenblog chat, I’ve been thinking how sad it is that we are so moved by being treated with consideration and compassion by someone, particularly when we’re in a business environment. What gives?

We posed this as a discussion topic for the #kaizenblog community and what a conversation! Since we have some new members to the Twitter chat, #kaizenblog, it makes sense to explain in more than 14o characters what this chat is about. Valeria Maltoni (co-host and founder of the chat) explains the premise with this post. Continual improvement is a hallmark of successful business leaders and participants are encouraged to use “kaizen” in their business and/or work with the ideas explored in this chat.

It’s not always an easy process to use “kaizen” in one’s work since it requires one to be honest in asking tough questions and stay with the process. Staying with the process means acting on what one learns in every moment and not stopping just for the results. There is more to learn, to deepen one’s wisdom, knowledge and ability.

She wrote,

“Continuous improvement can be in the content and presentation, but also in the interaction – your ability to become more natural and conversational in tone. Take cues from the experience of being exposed to relationships with ideas and people on a consistent basis to observe and learn.”

Since the interaction is such a key piece to why #kaizenblog works as a conversation starter and thought provoker, this recap attempts to capture some of the ideas expressed by the participants.

That quote seemed so in keeping with the theme of kindness. The conversation starter with this was a post on the HBR blog iste by Bill Taylor (@practicallyrad) titled, “Why Is It So Hard To Be Kind?”. The focus was kindness in the business arena. There are some who would say that kindness doesn’t really have a place in business. Others argue that it is essential to smooth internal operations as well as good customer service. Are either of these true? See what everyone had to say in the transcript ****

We started off the conversation by asking, How is kindness or empathy viewed in the business world? This definitely produced a flurry of responses.

• Amber Cleveland ”A1: I think generally speaking (not my POV) that ppl take kindness as a weakness in business, when in reality it’s an asset”
• Parissa Behnia ”Q1 Often mistaken for being slow. gives impression that people can take advantage. however, giving to get always works”
• Chanelle Scheider ”From conversations I’ve had with others, they question (my) kindness and empathy. See it as ploy to get sales”
• Sian Phillip ”Kindness goes a lot further than being hard I believe. Treat others as you wish to be treated in everything”
• Cathy Larkin ”Q1 Kindness in business takes time, so many biz don’t take that step, but as saying goes – shortcuts=missed oppty”
• Laura Crum  ”kindness brings people back again and again. Hardness may get initial issue resolved”
• Judi Yi ”When one is secure/strong, easy to be kind. There is no mistaken notion that to give is to ‘lose’ rather than ‘expand’ “

The responses seemed to point more to how people let their insecurities run the business as well as how beliefs can be taken as norms. Is that what we’re really left with? Or perhaps doing business with a customer is always a win/lose proposition?

This seem to be a good segue into the second discussion question, Is it really a failure of the organizational culture or personal value system? Isaac Duke was pretty succinct with his response, “It’s both.” Other responses were either sure it was one or other. Do circumstances affect which values we choose to follow?

• Joe Sanchez ”If orgs/enterprises want 2 make kindness a “real asset,” it needs 2b embodied in “Values” & perpetuated via #storytelling”
• Parissa Behnia “It’s both. org culture influences personal values and vice versa. chicken and egg problem”
• Cathy Larkin “I could be wrong, but wonder if, in US culture, it goes bk to our “Protestant work ethic” founding”
• Laura Crum “It’s a failure of personal values to influence org culture”
• Bruno Coelho “When top management doesn’t support the customer focus attitude, then employee focus then turns to boss”
• Judy Yi ” ‘Authority to be nice?’ Respect, consideration, empathy…these do not require Supervisor Approval, no?”

There was an interesting side thread about the movie “Up In the Air” and how firing can be held in a respectful and kind way. This is certainly a minefield if you have ever experienced it in a managerial role. How do you tell someone they don’t fit the organization?

Another side thread was the role of leadership and kindness. There were some very strong opinions about how leaders should demonstrate the organization’s commitment to kindness in customer relationships and employee relationships. Worth reading! Deb Ellis said “The kindest way to fire someone is to do it quickly w/ a clear explanation of the issues that lead to it” What do you believe a leader and/or manager should exhibit in terms of kindness or empathy? Does gender matter and if so, how?

There was another side thread about how money, kindness and our beliefs about both are intertwined. Do our emotions and beliefs restrict our ability to be kind or empathic?

Our last discussion question, How are we really creating a world in which we devalue human engagement? There were lots of responses to this question that debated whether things were devolving or evolving.

• Patrick Prothe ”Re Q3 – Via automation, depersonalization, focus on numbers over ppl. And the harder co’s try to rebound, the worse the cycle. Re: Q3 – But I think the pendulum may be swinging back a bit as many business forced to get more social, local and focused”
• Debra Willis “by not pausing enough long enough to listen or think abt how what we do affects other”
• Isaac Duke “A3-we naturally devalue hum engagement. Look at toddlrs. Biz helps us reverse that. Ppl don’t buy from us when we dnt share”
• Amber Cleveland: “A3. we are not devaluing human engagement, I think values are being amplified using SM. Paradigm shift”
• John Cloonan: “Look at current social media trends, they’re moving away from automation and towards engagement”
• Judy Yi: “Q3: the sheer SCALE of business today emphasizes margins, but the tipping point is near: differentiation is human”
• Bruno Coelho: “As technology use and reach increases, the value of analog human interactions also increases”

There seemed to be more optimistic views of how kindness, indeed more genuine and positive human engagement is on the rise. While there may be some preliminary research questioning whether narcissism is on the ascendant and empathy on the decendant , it is unclear how this is being manifested. Actually, is it even being manifested at all?

What really defines human engagement?

How could an organization interact with individual people?

What do you believe about leadership? Your answers makes a difference every day that you lead your organization. Bill Taylor asked an interesting question in Where Have All the Business Heroes Gone?  . He asked if we would know a corporate hero if we saw one. Small business owners certainly have a relationship with power. Without self-awareness, this relationship with power will kill your leadership.

Five negative beliefs of leaders:

• I’m successful so I don’t need to continue learning. It’s easy to believe that you know it all if you’ve been in business for awhile and have achieved success. After all, you are getting reinforced for your behavior by your customers and experience.

Deadliness factor: The stage is set of stagnation and complacency. When you become complacent with your performance, you don’t see how the business landscape changes and or hear feedback from your customers. Social media has increased opportunities for businesses to interact with customers. Organizations are being encouraged to be more innovative and mashup ideas from other industries or ways of thinking. Your competitors are seeking to increase their market share. When you stop learning, you reduce your company”s ability to adapt and thrive.

• You have a job, you should be happy. This belief probably worked rather well in the Industrial Age or even the Great Depression. Work was treated differently. Society had different norms. The message here is that the worker is simply part of the Machine. 

Deadliness factor: Your employees want work that has purpose and meaning. Small businesses are well-suited to share a value-based mission . My accountant’s mission is to ease the pain of math and money for small business owners.  If someone can’t buy into you organizational mission, they aren’t going to go along and help you weather storms your busines is likely to experience.

• Managers are the ONLY ones who should have information. Leaders who are the only ones with information risk isolation, inadequate data, and encouraging others to hoard information as well.

Deadliness factor: Doling out information in bits and pieces becomes political and petty. Do you want your  people clutching information to their chests as if it’s the Ring in Lord of the Rings? It does make sense to use your judgement when sharing information. However, if you’re not sure how to share important and/or very negative information, get advice from a trusted peer or mentor. If you are in the US, try SCORE. If you are outside the US, look up small business services in your country. (For example, in Ireland, you can find advice at the Dublin City Enterprise  Board)

• Systems are more important than people. Keeping things in order (paperwork, job responsibilities, and procedures) are very important for smooth operations. Policies are written out for all to know expectations and consequences for noncompliance.

Deadliness factor: Systems are designed to serve you and your people. Simply emphasizing compliance to the systems creates the impression that you are rigid and merciless. This adversely affects morale and productivity. I worked for a human service agency that had very strict policies about completing documentation and billing. If anything, no matter how minor, wasn’t filled out properly, it was returned to the clinician and he/she wouldn’t be paid for his/her work. This created feelings of resentment, hardship, helplessness and being ill-used. Keep track of when policies actually interfere and/or create a heartless, robotic environment.

• Tyrants are the best bosses. I have to admit this one gets me on my soapbox pretty quick. I worked for a tyrant early in my career and the organization was extremely dysfunctional. While I agree with some of George Cloutier’s points, there are ways to let people know that you’re in charge without being  so heavy-handed.

Deadliness factor: A tyrannical boss sets the stage for high levels of conflict and politics. Set expectations so accountability is like breathing. Make goals public with a whiteboard or an e-bulletin board. As one small business owner described to me, allow your staff to have leeway to make “below the water” decisions but leave “above the water” decisions for you. You can be decisive and still allow for recommendations and information to be shared with you. You don’t have to walk around like a general saying, “I’m in charge here.”

Your beliefs about leadership are reflected in the culture and efficacy of your business. Develop an awareness of how you view leadership to prevent negative consequences for your company. None of us start out with the intention of building a dysfunctional organization. It starts with you and it is certainly in your hands to make your business a place everyone wants to work.

What negative beliefs do you observe in leaders?

How do you catch yourself when you forget to treat your position of authority with respect?