You Don’t Do This Alone
You know you don’t grow your small business alone but so many of us get caught up in questioning how to ask for help. Truth be told, I’m just as guilty as anyone else. In a conversation with a friend and colleague, he asked me why professional women have a hard time asking for help. After thinking about it, I came away wondering if it is less about gender and more about our perception of our own competence and ability to solve problems.
It seems like you’re walking on a tightrope. How much do you say? How do you say it? There is a perception that if you show a weakness, people will perceive you as incompetent or that your business is fly-by-night. So that presents a dilemma. How do you ask for help without appearing weak?
We don’t know everything and we are not good at everything. There, it’s been said. We’re not superhuman.
It’s time to take advantage of our network. Is it a treasure trove when you need help with something? Sometimes our network inspires us because we spend time with people we aspire to emulate. Sometimes our network provides us with support when we share common experiences. Our networks also provide us with resources we aren’t aware of or have forgotten.
We create communities rich in connection. When we connect with others, we want to know what they think about, feel about, struggle with and celebrate. Typically, this is a reciprocal relationship. Think about the last time you were meeting people at a networking event. Who smiled at you? With whom did you laugh? Who did you really want to schedule coffee with right away? Within your existing network, who makes you feel good? My friend, Kate is one of those people for me. I don’t have to say a word about my business and I walk away feeling like a million bucks.
What would happen if you asked that person for help? It could be you need a referral for a virtual assistant, a lead on new clients, to hire additional staff or ask for business. Sometimes you need a simple sounding board or a good laugh.
So, what would happen?
What do you think gets in the way of asking for help?
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8 Comments
Hi Elli, If you don’t/won’t ask for help, I’d question if you should be in business in the first place.
Good business is always about asking for help, ask your friends, ask the people you work with and ask your customers.
Niall Devitt recently posted..Competition Versus Collaboration
Wow! There’s timing for you! I was only grumbling to a pal today about being in business on my own and how sometimes it can seem too much.
Normally it isn’t an issue as I’ve learnt through the years to ask for help when I’ve needed it, today I justed needed a friendly ear after a hectic month.
Sometimes as you said the preception is that if we are seen as weak or needy then we can’t be good business people, yet underneath the business persona is still the person and people need each other.
Niall,
Thanks for commenting! You have a fascinating perspective regarding asking for help and if your refusal or anxiety indicates if you should be in business or not! It’s a wonderful feeling knowing that people believe in you enough to lend a hand!
~Elli
Mairead,
Glad to be of service!
Your story is a great example of what my post is all about. Sometimes we just need a sympathetic ear to get our heads straight and get back doing what we do best. We are people and we do need each other. I learned this great Irish proverb today, “I scath a cheile a mhaireann na daoine.” (People live in each other’s shelter). Sometimes we forget our own humanity and that we are not really alone.
~Elli
Hi Elli,
If we don’t ask, we won’t get. It is difficult to decipher the difference between asking for help to improve, or asking for help because we want to transfer responsibility.
This is a common issue with clients, and they sometimes feel they are failures if they have to ask for help, that they “didn’t make it”.
If we simply look to our mentors, and people we admire in business and simply ask them how they became successful, their answers would include “I asked for help”
What do I think gets in the way? We get in our own way!
Elaine,
All I can say is, Amen, sister!
Your point about ask for help versus transferring responsibility is very pertinent. Sometimes we can feel so overwhelmed that we want someone else to “fix” it for us. The best helpers and mentors are the ones who will walk with us but not for us.
~Elli
Hi Elli
I guess for me, this article speaks to two related questions when it comes to small businesses.
Firstly, if we truly value our own strengths – we will want to spend our time operating in those areas of strength, and getting others to deliver those areas where we dont excel. If we dont value our strenghts.. if we dont know what those strengths are, or if we believe we are “only OK ” at everything.. then there is no inherent pressure to do what we are good at, and delegate the rest.
Secondly, people may have a mentality of abundance or a mentality of scarcity. If we believe there is abundant work, money, clients… then we will logically want to satisfy those clients with the best work and services we can provide – and we will want to get others to help as appropriate. Conversely, if operating from scarcity.. hey, it’s a limited pie, it has to be protected and held close. Of course, fortunately/unfortunately depending on the mindset you operate from.. its a self-fulfilling mindset.
I agree with the tenor of post and the comments above also that suggest our brittle little egos get in the way, prevent us from asking for help when doing just that could move things on faster & better. The truest truism .. “the only stupid question is the one that isn’t asked”.
Sean,
Thank you for your comment! Your point about how our mentality of abundance and scarcity is so very true! Funny how we can forget that what we think does influence our outcomes! Hopefully, we live and learn. Let’s ask our questions, stupid or otherwise!
~Elli